The Night I Found Out I was Going to Become a Father….
I just turned 39 in Singapore, as one of my friend on that side of the planet typically beats everyone else to the punch of other birthday wishes on my FB timeline.
This day is monumental on more levels that I can ever …EVER…. put into words.
At a time in my life when the story will one day be completed in “A Beautiful Mess” that tells the tale, I was leading up to a rich, a ripe period of life, I knew had meaning, intent, purpose, and drive.
What it lacked was the answer to many questions. Where would I be? What would it mean?
The week my wife and I have had is not unlike many weeks here before, in terms of what we have dealt with. Tough, situations unusual for a first year marriage, there are blessings and there are clear challenges. Whether married once or three times, I think you understand the challenge aspect at this point in the journey. I don’t claim to own the “challenge” aspect but try my best to just keep the flow and keep learning the lessons “I’m supposed to learn.
So after we start the VISA process we are now pushing to submit next week and a solid business plan that has friends, family, mentors, and local political and business allies going “YES, YOU HAVE A GREAT VISION” We now have to consider the fact that my wife will be 5-8 months pregnant upon landing.
What does that mean? The financial potential benefits of this plan I have laid out, our dream regarding Solgave Animal Solutions is huge, is exciting… but is it a gentle push back to Fall and I do some other things to prepare for its launch?
Do I align my sails and linkup with other innovators in the area and use my skills in PR/Communications/Branding and earn a good living as we “seed” SAS and get Sunniva ready to walk? (Sunniva’s first pregnancy was tough, and this appears to be starting off worse in terms of pain. More on that in a specific blog in the future written by her in our 9 months category)
She says “Whoa Nelly” …LOL. “Jared we have a beautiful house to stay in for a few months as we land and get assimilated.” And while this model I’ve built around a successful, growing concept, needs Sunniva in the front lines and me more the vision /business guy, we can still do it.
I just need to be okay with time shifting a bit. Perhaps it allows us in the US quicker with the expedite now being realistic because of having a pregnant wife, or perhaps it keeps us here a bit longer.
”Do I seek out somebody that believes in SAS Sunni and when we land gets us going as a team? This could be so big, so quick with the market size we need an operating officer and may find one?” She replies, “Honey, you think too much…. (She says with a smile) Let’s take it day by day.” As always, she is right… “
Do I look at this import idea on a brand we think may sell well in the states that I’ve yet to talk about much? Thus allowing you to have the baby and slowly roll out SAS? Do we just use the 3 months we have at the lake and soak up every second we can, me substitute teach or align with many friends offering of part time opportunities to help us out while we achieve this dream during the tribe building phase?” She rolls her eyes and again, smiles. “Stop thinking honey, it’ll work out” I just don’t know the answer to these questions, and will work on flowing like water…
Night one of the process. I’m about to be 39 in 46 minutes our time. What a ride and as I remind friends going through things “Never forget just that, it’s just a ride.”
I made a decision to not even friend request the mother of my unborn child before I followed through on commitments to make some big changes. We noticed each other, but again…timing seems to play a critical role in every aspect of our union.
What I’ve faced with no friends to pop in after work, no family down the road, a culture very balanced but tougher to reach at first than US folks at first, initially meant immense growth…. pain and anguish of a dog I left behind, a job waiting, a car I had to sell, a willingness to lose every single thing I had material wise for this love… my god was it was worth it.
To find out last night as I had the role of driving Sunni to work, getting house stuff done, getting Gabi, etc. was to grab two pregnancy tests at the local mall, because she KNEW she was pregnant, was a “bring you to your knees” moment.
The blog I had in my head that was nothing more than just a unique angle to do something meaningful, if anything happened to me later in life, enabling us to express what our values meant to Gabi and the unborn children is a wild synchronicity. I had zero idea she was late at this point or even thinking of it as a possibility because of 7 times before we had disappointment.
Then the test…OMFG. I googled for an hour. I cried for two hours. I was in denial. This can’t be true…in my last relationship we tried for years and I felt the blame was subtly on me…it can’t be I said. I was protecting myself from fear of it not being possible even though my deepest core wanted it so badly for so long.
Yep, my 39th birthday…the year that I stuck to a set of codes I wrote out when I left TX late 2011 and faced more fears, obstacles, uncomfortable situations, humility, desire to work and build something but inhibited in many ways at the same time. But hanging on man…I hung on.
I celebrate not only my own life, but also the formation of the heart of my 5-week-old baby and as Solgave has always done, tell this story in real time. Yes, a risk announcing the pregnancy so early, but it was led by a strong instinct for both of us to do so, and a desire that it was both okay to announce and if something were to happen, to be willing to process it in public.
This story, our love, our life, has been done just been done in front of you, but in many ways you guys and this strange social media twist are the backdrop of a narrative unlike any I have read. Driven by honesty, with passion, hope, inspiration, and dreams. Solgave is about all of the above. How could we not share this wonderful news on my own birthday?
Next summer the dreams continue to come true, the lessons continue to be learned. Meeting my destiny at a time when Source said, “You are ready”…
Smiling big tonight. This is the first of a 9-month set of writings from the male perspective of what this process means, how it shapes our emotions, and a willingness to expose my vulnerability, along with my pride, and show the emotional ebbing and flowing that I have no doubt will mirror that of my wife. (Although her physical pain I can in no way relate to, and will share more about that in future blogs)
Miracles can come true.
Don’t ever give up hope…
Hang on man…