“…to be able to, at any moment, to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.”
27 years of journal writing and while leaning heavily into just dissecting my own growth, thoughts, ideas, changes, I observe humanity and my surroundings pretty well too. But only with intent from a data/objective standpoint because one thing I know is that I CANNOT change them (used to take so much personal as all do when younger)
Something that has helped me a lot over the years in situations with other is what I call “The substitute rule.” If “John Doe” were in this situation versus me would it be the same? Usually that answer is yes and we realize it’s rarely about us. I’ve studied the minutes per week I spent in periods of my life thinking about other people, how puzzled they might make me, frustrate me, intrigue me, and while not perfect, the number of minutes per week is trending way down towards the only thing I can continue to evolve, me.
When I was deep into “feeding/needing” types of relationships my own psyche gravitated to “feeding/needing” people. This isn’t a new concept but just one I get more aware of during “shifts” in my life.
When I was feeling crazy, music loving, a guy with a free spirited sense of self needing an outlet, I gravitated to that same group of folks. When I’m balanced, centered, inspired, I seem to always gravitate to balanced, centered, and inspired people. I’ve come to realize several things that seem universal and one is that good friends want you to do well in life, just want you happy, they want to help not for any other reason but because friends lean on each other, “That’s what friends are for,” to quote Dionne Warwick.
Anyone not wanting you to be better and a happier person, I’d challenge the word “friend”. When in misery, I gravitated to people miserable or I needed the aspect of helping “miserable” people to feel better about myself. When I was emotionally unbalanced the emotionally unbalanced flocked to me and I to them.
Growth for me is being okay with these changes, seeing them with a non-judging eye and even more so, how do I say it, quietly taking notes in the book of life. We really want to be around people like us. We just do, and if you journal a lot and go over the notes heavily year after year the trends are really amazing. Healthy eaters like to be around healthy eaters. People that do yoga, recycle, and think of the planet as one tend to gravitate eventually to people who share some of those same aspects. These are simpler analogies I think than the more important emotional ones though.
Fear driven Jared gets fear driven people popping in more, balanced Jared gets more balanced people coming. If I seek solutions outside of me spiritually I’ll drift to those mindsets and on the contrary typically the “seek within” spiritual types often find themselves together.
Just fascinated by my own changes through this process I started in January and being able to document them all. It’s easy to see why I’ve been misunderstood and perhaps never will entirely be understood because if you “shape shift” a lot it’s hard to be pinned down.
My hope is that no matter how far out my views are, or how deep I can get, is that consistent and authentic behavior will be what you remember by. Part of being authentic for me means I’ll never say anything about you that I wouldn’t say to you (possibly the most important thing I wrote down in that cabin in January as this new process started) a deeply pivotal part of my growth.
It doesn’t mean I don’t love you if I’m not feeding into you or allowing the feeding to shift back. I do, through growth though we have to realize being the best we can be, and changing means some tough boundaries and some losses happen along the way. They get easier; they feel more “right” as you go month after month after month of living authentically.
I can easily recognize when and why certain people left me during periods of life. Certain ones are drawn to you when you are “free falling”, and others after enough will gently release. Most people will be able to relate to you on the metaphorical plane they are at if the altitude is such that they can both see you at and breathe comfortably.
I’m most puzzled though by how many left me as I started living this authentic, honest, boundary driven life. Do people find it easier to flock when someone is hurting? I’m not sure…. perhaps it was just time for a reset of things around me.
Look around the room and you’ll see where you are at in my own observation…it’s an ever changing scenery but I’m a believer that I need to do a hard reset once a year, if not more.
Completely forget ideas, philosophies, doctrines, etc. that were taught to you or learned on your own and with a fresh set of eyes awake to the world. Only then is new information, more complex mapping systems able to form. Most prefer to rationalize and justify the million reasons to avoid growth…I did.
Much easier to stay the same, much easier. Twenty-eight years of journals and it’s clear that wherever I want to be psychologically and emotionally I can be, and if you take a look around at your close friends and daily contact you’ll see a good mirror of where you are.
Sometimes it can be hard to pull away or look at us critically, but if done with a desire to become better it’s a beautiful and necessary aspect of growth in my experience. I’m a believer that I need to do a hard reset once a year, if not more. Completely forget all taught or known and with fresh eyes awake to the world. Only then is new information, more complex mapping systems able to form. Most prefer to rationalize and justify the million reasons to avoid growth…I did.
So much easier to stay the same… so much easier but I’m living proof that YOU CAN DO IT. You can do it when you reach that deep-rooted desire space that is essential and are ready to do all that “changing paths” means. Signing off from the “Space Between” years and a guy on a mission to just keep working on the only thing I have power to change. Me…
“The important thing is this: to be able, at any moment, to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.” -Maharishi Mahesh Yogi