The First Link on the Chain of Destiny
I don’t know how to start really. This is one of those status updates that feel like 3 sentences but might be more. (Exhale)
I spent most of yesterday resting in bed; I had hit a physical and perhaps emotional wall of sorts. May is the month the pace got to pick up intensely with some work projects, and just the sheer amount of hours per week we were on the go, in a car, training, with horses, something was all but a tiny section of that month.
Today I had some powerful epiphanies of what has happened the last 6 months and for God’s sake to let myself know it’s okay to slow down a minute, and pat yourself on the back. I’m tough on myself, have such intense expectations that I lay down and they can bleed to those around me. Lowering those is a big part of the journey that I’m on, it isn’t lowering dreams, it’s balancing out I suppose the “expectation” and “guilt” aspects of not reaching or “being” certain things, points, places, etc.
With some reflection, today I can say, “Well done Jared” on the last 6 months. I was living in Texas and about to have the “conversation” that had been years in the making. What had been months and months of deep self-analysis and preparing myself for this “leap” that I knew would be monumental has happened at breakneck speed when I think of the last 180 days.
Just 3 weeks and I was moved to Oklahoma and staying on the lake. I had decided to not turn the TV on, start connecting to nature that was the lake water I was living on that month, begin to not just journal but start going back over my journals and recognize that I was at the place to begin the action phase of a new type of life. Realizing that everything up till then was part of the plan but I had to be deeply prepared to change everything.
Some friendships that month ended. Not always an easy thing to do so but at times in your life you have to realize you are the most important thing and what feels like short term stings are just “stings.” The trip to Europe and meeting Sunniva was day by day growing into something I had a hard time putting into words. These collection of status updates and “Lessons from Abroad” have helped me see the timeline better and understand how I externally processed it all with transparency…
Would I come back to the states? I honestly didn’t know, on my life, I didn’t know. I had some meaningful visits with family and friends and eye-to-eye visits where I think the one thing they recognized was “this is the real deal” You can’t fake a sparkle from the soul. I thought I would come back, I really did.
Living day-by-day was a deep part of this process and not having too much time to prepare for our week on the boat, for our journey in England and having no expectations but “trusting/knowing” that all would be okay was certainly how that needed to play out.
I felt deep in my core a lot of “healing” would happen in Norway. Instincts have never really done me wrong. My wrongs, if you will, were just me needing to figure things out my own way along this road we call life. We are exactly where we need to be, that feels certain. It may be very hard to see that with short-term eyes but in the end, we always see that to be true.
Honestly, I told Sunniva that I believed June would be the month I come for good. I would sell or ship my car over, have time to sort my stuff out (still things in storage in Texas, that lake house in Oklahoma) and perhaps save up a bit of money to make the leap and bring all my stuff with me.
The savings I had ran out by month 2 here and we began a deep journey into “what next”. Do I go and come back? There was never a pause; there has never been a doubt since we made eye contact via Skype six months ago. A chance encounter that happened so I could illustrate something to her really quick that had nothing to do with the magic that is…but allowed our eyes to see what they had seen our whole life and waited for, the mirror of our own soul. So we go day by day, week by week, having to reassess, plan, dream, hope, deal with frustrations, and obstacles galore…
We have a home with 3 generations of people, a new American, a stepdaughter now, me not knowing the language, being on a beautiful, but remote farm on the Sweden/Norway border. Solgave, the scribbling and ideas we would share from the boat to our time here just naturally started to flow………still a work in process but my God do things feel destined for greatness…
We decide to marry and while no doubts about that decision I would have wanted to wait a bit just to plan something nice, to have a ring designed for her, that while not the ceremony or ring would be traditional, it would be OURS. We had the residence card hurdles and life decisions to make quickly, and in real time. The magic of that day and emotion forever captured on film due to the amazing work and donated photography of her friend in Norway…
Then the process of the card, would it be 6-9 months? Would I get to come this summer? Would I come alone? Would I come a month ahead and deal with storage and things and then her and come? We thought so…
My god. 6 months! We are married; we now have my residence card that is good for five years here in Sweden.
We are day by day; working through the A-Z steps on how this thing works out logistically, jobs, etc. to get us to the point Solgave is the only thing we do. Until then it’s a piece of clay we keep working and working and driving ourselves to believe in. We now have so many helping us with ideas and sending us links on things to consider, fundraising ideas to help finance arms of this in both countries and while we’re still day to day in deep breaths of inhaling and exhaling it’s such a rewarding and “complete” place to be….
I know that any “realist’ would have warned us into waiting, or doing things differently. Realists however aren’t the ones that change the world typically. They sometimes cling onto the “security” arm of the tree of life and forget to take leaps. But realists are also needed for society or we’d be in this dreamy land of unrealistic thoughts Just as dark needs lights, realists need dreamers and vice versa whether each believes it or not. It’s easy for dreamers to say, “Those up tight realists” and the Realists to say “Those loosely planned, unpredictable dreamers,” but the truth is we all need each other to move forward.
6 months. 3 addresses I’ve had. Some notes on a sheet of paper about how I wanted to change things for the next half of my life. Some dreams of a holiday in England, a girl I had a hunch just might be the natural fit of inspiration and understanding I had yearned for in my life have come true. Being understood was tough for me, tough for her. Animals and human behavior is our deep gifts. Compassion, empathy, daring, courage, sensitivity, adventure, equal amounts of dark and light are what united us for sure. A complimentary aspect that is just enough to add onto the souls that recognize each other and light up behind our eyes…literally!
Six months and the world can flip around. We need to be patient with humanity, be patient with our communities, be patient with ourselves. A lot can change when we just slow down to see swabs of time in `1/2 year increments. The present is where the gift is but appreciation can come from assessing “changes” and recognizing that the only thing certain in life is that things wont stay the same…
Where will we be in 6 months? Where will Solgave be? What will our life look like? Those chapters are being written and will be told as they happen. The story that is our life is not all unicorns dancing. Our pictures sell happiness and deep soulful connection but our story is equally rough, equally about stepping through demons of the mind, and facing it together (leaning on each other when one pushes through something new, always towards a more complete version on the other side) There isn’t a special one of us that faces more than the other. We hope to be a better shade of who we are today, hopefully communicate a bit better with you, our friends and family, and be better with consistency in raising Gabi. Both of us will be finishing some credentials online soon. I start in 5 days with an online class at SFA. In 6 months I will finish this BS from there and be able to help Solgave on the psychology arm and Sunniva deepens credentials on the animal therapy arm.
We are a perfect blend of recognizing our love of nature, animals, people and wanting to “heal” the world in ways we know we can because of using Chapter 1 of life to teach us and give us “experiences’ that allow us to give back and serve and heal and dare and dream………..
6 months folks. Everything can change. Lessons from Abroad 23 might be written on the 1-year mark. What a ride guys!
Thank you for holding on, thank you for inspiring us and believing in us or not believing in us and coming around. Whatever your role is it was meant to be and taught us lessons. We live a life to learn from every lesson and to see every experience as a destined “teacher”
Deep gratitude to the life we have, and challenges I’ve met personally and we’ve met together. Be patient and pat yourself on the back because life is just a ride to teach us, to allow us to experience.
Buckle up I told her in December. I’m still buckled up but loosening the belt a little today as we reflect on how far we’ve come. Live your life man…live it and believe you can…
(Facebook Status June 1st)