It’s So Hard, to Say Goodbye….
It’s so Hard to Say Goodbye
Whether you are leaving for just a few hours, a couple of days, or months…goodbyes are never easy, and most of us want to put them off until the moment we are faced with it.
I would dare say that most people have not thought a lot about death until the end, they approach what I would call the ultimate goodbye the same way. Since it’s such a certain part of our journey, I wonder why people struggle to resist what is going to happen naturally no matter well you eat, how much you exercise, eventually we all suffer that fate.
We all die. What happens after is subject for a different type of blog.
Goodbyes aren’t death, they are temporary moments of discomfort that, like death, we avoid talking about or dealing with until we are at the moment of departure.
I remember the feeling of leaving this farm after a full year here in 2012 when it was Sunniva’s family being left behind from children and grandkids they loved dearly. It stings man, even not being the one’s left behind.
I remember in 2014 when it was my parents (especially the moms) who were torn at the notion their children and beloved grandchildren (Gabi, Neo, and any future adopted won’t ever be seen differently by anyone I suspect) going back after they thought they had them closer to home finally. Again, it tore me up.
Regardless, it was tough for all, but those were real GOODBYE’S. In other words, we were moving somewhere, and don’t know when you’ll see us again. Not goodbye, see you in a bit.
After that move, one that Sunniva admits MIGHT BE DIFFERENT if we had the means to travel here for long summers (or her alone) but Neo was too young to travel easily and it would have been a hard trip to say the least so we trust that fate or universe was okay making plans for us. (I rationalize that at least)
He’s at the age now where I think he’ll be even harder during travel in some ways on the long flights, but one more year and we can all do the international thing and have way more laughs then tears. (but it takes a big budget)
Our first vacation to the US Gabi was barely 4. She has learned to traveled like a rock star wherever she goes And we even had a quick side trip to the islands on our way into the US to live (USVI) and back to the islands as a surprise trip in early 2014, and again back to Norway August 2014.
Children are resilient, and often keep their parents, grandma’s and sometimes strangers calm with the Zen instincts they are born with. She’s street smart, don’t let her childlike “bake me a cake with 2 year old eyes get ya” she just wants that cake. LOL.
No seriously, I love the kids so much I’m faced with leaving and splitting my time up a bit as we had talked about in the beginning so that Sunniva and Jared can be the best shades of us, which ultimately means the best long term mom and dad.
So less than a month from this publishing I’ll be in the US again. My mom will have returned from some time away, and I will use the first two weeks to just chill around the house, see my dad and grandma who live in the small town I grew up in as well and sort of stay off grid a bit.
Then with the suggestion of my wife, we messaged through Facebook about 20 people in Fayetteville who are connected and respected by us in some way. Work, life, socially, otherwise and people we admire.
Our big dilemma was Sunniva was not going to see herself living in the US most of her life and I am struggling to find my purpose here long term, yet again. (We did live here one year) And each of us needs to find that spark to maintain the smiles and passion and love.
The move was so hasty, and had to be, to get us here in time for school I wasn’t able to fully process what all sacrifices one makes. It was primal “get my family there” mode at any cost with very little analysis on long term effects on our unit.
Those costs meant selling our vehicles, blenders, beds, and art. We sold it all and still were a bit short on budget.
So with our business closing out 2014 way ahead of 2013, and that’s with no real management, no zest that ownership locally can bring. I’m not saying you can’t have management bring zest while you are far away, but you normally allow 3 years for your business to be mature enough to leave it in the hands of others.
We took a major risk, I paid staff higher, we took some chances and it worked. SAS still exists. Our staff that allowed that to happen blesses me. The probability of it eroding versus evolving is very high if I don’t take some time this year and give my heart and soul into this thing we’ve invested so much into with some great leaders that can soak up the vision and ideas of Solgave.
The events sort of fizzled out, and the creative ideas were there, but too loose to be actualized.
So my goal is to hire two new people, make sure everyone there wants to be there and use this tiny studio apartment we will rent (year round hopefully so I can hop back and forth) to be my make shift SAS office/think tank room and home when in the states for a few months at a time.
I’m spending about half my time now doing freelance writing work as well, so my time at Arsaga’s at the Fayetteville library (up the street from the studio apartment) and using their fast Wi-Fi- along with meetings around town (you know who you are) and continued personal recovery work will be my goals.
I could be absolutely bummed at the notion of not hearing Neo say a new word for the first time, or this or that…. but the fact is Sunniva in the US and myself here in Halle just doesn’t seem plausible for us to make it this second. Skype will allow daily visits in as close and in some ways “more quality” than you get in passing the hallway.
So suddenly, she or we, she says she 😉 …says, “What about splitting time in the US” like we talked about all along.
Yes!!! Even the time I was there that 18 months I didn’t foster relationships, see old friends, spend much time with family, it was hustle, hustle, and hustle to pay bills in the first year of a start up business and the madness that comes with it.
I probably messed up a few friendships I need to repair, I need to get a bike to ride the trails I love when I’m there in the spring, and use my creative juices that are flowing like mad on what events to do, what vendors to partner at, what new services to expand, price points to adapt, grass roots marketing, and so much more.
Yes, for us, this makes sense in 2015. It’s not ideal, and it’s not for everyone, but it makes sense for us. 1000 days together without hardly a few hours apart. I’ve had more than one person say “My god you are lucky you guys made it without the time apart, COUPLES NEED TIME APART.” We were so madly in love we didn’t dare spend much time apart in the beginning and it all happened so fast, ya know?
Sunniva has Sawa and her horses here. Now the awesome chickens. Her daughter is in the school of her dreams. She is home and I’m really happy to see that. I hope to see this as home half the year and perhaps us even have our own little farm near here by the end of 2015. We have to start over again with baby stepping into our goals as a team and get our individual spirits back.
Her life is not easy at all with Neo being in a terror age, it’s tough. Moms with high energy 18-20 months old KNOW! Trust me, but she gets a lot of amazing help from a mom she adores who lives in the house we all share.
SO NWA, my wish is my family and kids get to come in the summer along with me and I’ll either split my time there in two blocks (Spring and Fall) or one longer block each year.
Likely it will be in two shorter blocks of 2-3 months each.
Sunniva and I made almost 3 months on Skype alone when we met. We can do it. We may miss each other so madly the split doesn’t last long. I have no return ticket right now, so that we can decide when that time is right and then I’ll already have one to get back and do another round of work locally with our little growing company, my family, and community and culture I so adore.
We have read about couples who live half the year apart and they just look at it as the 4 out of 7 days per week (on average per year) they are together, unlike couples who live together full time they CHERISH every single moment.
And neither has to completely sacrifice who they are, what they aspire to do, and together they make a unique international situation work well.
So while it’ll be hard to say goodbye, it’s not goodbye. It’s going to be “see you soon” and “lets keep growing.”
I burst into tears just thinking of the airport hug, so I can’t think about it, does that make sense. I know I need to get home, we know we can use this break wisely, and we believe in each other.
We always have and we always will.