Dear Jonah, If you are gay…….
The Internet feed and consciousness shift has me thinking again today about the power of collective thought, the power of historical motion, and at the same time the power of fear.
You are 3 months from being born and I do not know your sexual orientation yet. I do know there is a 1 in ten chance or so that you could be gay.
Today I want it to be clear that there is a written record for you to see where my thinking was on this as both an editorial of my own thoughts, and a piece of salvation to you if something happens to me.
I actually needed to meditate 5 minutes alone outside and desperately needed to get a short run in this morning after seeing the social media stream of fear. The Supreme Court is hearing today for the first time the issues on same sex marriages that are landmark in relevance to the historical implications of societal movements forward.
Arguments against it on almost every level disturb me to some degree, but I have to respect and learn to accept those viewpoints (as they do mine). And I also have to realize with a deep breath it’s a complex mix of fear of letting go of some rigid belief systems, conditioning within families and communities, political and media driven spin, and much, much more that create our perceptions on things like the lens that is our view of the world. Psychologically, homophobia has a lot to do with men who do not have comfort with their own sexuality. I hope you realize this over time.
I was lucky enough to find comfort in who I was sexually early on and have no question about my gender role or identity…but many do, and I also am lucky enough to have seen “wiring” differences in kids I went to school with since kindergarten who did not make a choice about sexual orientation.
I hope you read this far enough into the future where road side park meet ups are finally gone, because many gay men are living straight married lives where the internet and road side parks become places for their natural urges to come out against their conditioned beliefs of “sin” …and ultimately prevent them being who they really are. Shame, guilt, power of a fundamental upbringing…. whatever the case, it saddens me so to see people who for decades and sometimes for life live a lie because society was not yet ready for the truth.
You’ll find the bible rich with parables, in my eyes deep esoteric, inner wisdom that was veiled for many reasons, but that’s your road to figure out, just know that if you are gay and your own family members or friends abandon you or claim to love you “but not your way of life” because of something in their “book of God” trust me on this, we have a HEART OF GOD that has guided us out of slavery in the US, guided us out of women having no rights, and horrendous and strange traditions that history was part of such as the complete destruction of many of your elder Native American family members on one side of the family.
This is the last of a social cause that I see such a deep need for change son. If you are gay or straight, be part of the voice of reason if you can. Be proud of who you are and grateful that in your own home you have a sister who will back you up, and an eccentric mom and dad who are crazy enough to believe that society will evolve in mass but realistic enough to know it’s going to take time.
I get a little upset thinking you might stand in some living rooms with people you are related to or call you friend that believe because of an archaic belief system and their own inner fears they cling to that they respectfully get to have as “Truth” that how you were born makes you a sinner. Their quick out is “but we all sin” and skate past the real dirty discussions that this answer ignores. Do you believe my son is going to hell?” I ask them.
I won’t get many answers in return if this every came up and I honestly cringe at knowing many deep down are praying “you won’t go to hell” because of what I perceive is the last hold of a rigid and bizarre set of eyes seeing the world.
These are my opinions. This is a letter to you. I can share it openly and honestly and you’ll see through the course of my life I failed as often I succeeded but I hope to be remembered as somebody who cared about fights worth fighting.
You will have a safe home where we get to talk about everything. Views around the world, families, societies, and hope that blanket of comfort and assurance will be enough to help you come out openly and with confidence if you are gay.
I will be the dad holding my gay son’s hand with pride. I will be the dad letting people know if they think he’s going to hell than don’t expect us for dinner. Some times protecting the dignity of your tribe trumps all.
I love you with all my heart and soul. You are healthy and the only wish I have for you is happiness. Find inner peace and a path that leads you to acceptance and love. Many in and out of religions are guided by fear. You’ll spot them easily and they come cloaked with fancy words and scripture, sometimes subtle, sometimes on a street corner shouting, you also have those in and out of religions fighting the good fight for human rights.
Ironic to me these people fight so hard for the unborn children, 1 out of 10 of whom will end up gay and then they let go of the fight for them. I just don’t understand society fully yet son.
Your mom and I are proud of you already and you are 3 months from being born. You have a 9 out of 10 chance of being a straight male, that comes with different challenges and struggles as well, but if you are gay, you know your dad has your back.